Teenage Insecurities
Even the most confident and
outspoken people have some things about themselves that they are not
completely happy or satisfied with. It is completely natural to sometimes doubt
the choices we have made, regret the things we have said, or want to improve ourselves
in some area. In fact, fighting complacency is essential for making progress
and reaching new heights. However, critical self-assessment is not the same as
insecurity. Insecurity arises from the lack of confidence and feeds upon a weak
character, whereas only those who are confident in themselves can impartially judge
their own imperfections. It takes time to learn how to gain a footing in your
life and comfortably grow into your own skin.
During teenage years insecurities
are omnipresent and rife; in truth, overcoming self-doubt is a major part
of growing up and maturing into adults. While insecurities do affect every
teenager, they manifest themselves differently and with varying intensity,
depending on a person’s strength of character and environment. Teenage years
are challenging in many ways. It is the time of great changes in life, and with
the changes come to pressure, worrying uncertainty, and fear.
Under such circumstances, sometimes a seemingly small incident can escalate into a
major anxiety,
which may engender
a potentially self-destructive coping mechanism.
Teens face pressure from a
multitude of sources, not least themselves. Peer, parental, and societal
pressure, compounded by hormonal changes,
continuously cut the ground from under their feet and feed into their
insecurities. Adolescence is
the time when yesterday’s children start making their own decisions, search for
the ways to express themselves, and benchmark their worth against one another.
A previously solid bond between a parent and a child tends to weaken during
this time and the relationship resembles a roller-coaster ride more than
anything else. Facing challenges with a compromised support system, or without
having someone to rely on, is a daunting task indeed.
Pinpointing specific causes of
teenage insecurities oftentimes prove a difficult task for parents. Most
teenagers don’t share or discuss their doubts with others—especially
adults—which makes it hard to figure out what troubles them and how the
situation can be
remedied. That said, the causes of teenage insecurities are countless: being
alone, rejected, not a part of the popular crew; having bad grades,
not-good-enough-for-mom-and-dad grades, not-good-enough-for-college grades;
making mistakes, failing to achieve something, and therefore, disappointing
one’s friends, parents, teachers, or oneself; having the “wrong kind of” body,
clothes, hobbies, entourage, and the list goes on.
According to Real Girls, Real Pressure: A National
Report on the State of Self-Esteem, commissioned by the Dove Self-Esteem Fund,
seven in ten girls believe they are not good enough or do not measure up in
some way, including their looks, performance in school, and relationships with
friends and family members. The researchers contend that these insecurities
sprout from low self-esteem and those teenage girls with inadequate self-worth
are more likely to engage in harmful coping behaviors. However, it is not just
the girls who fall prey to insecurities—boys get affected just as much,
according to the National Longitudinal Study of
Adolescent Health, published in Psychology of Men & Masculinity journal.
Just like their female counterparts, teenage boys excessively worry about
their body
image, which is a risk factor for elevated depressive symptoms among
adolescent boys.
If not addressed, teenage
insecurities may
persist well into early adulthood. An alarming fact, considering the potential
harmful effects of teenage insecurities and low self-confidence.
Trouble sleeping, aggression,
withdrawal, clinical anxiety, and depression are
among the issues that insecure teens struggle most with. When a struggle
proves too much for them to handle, teens often adopt dangerous coping
mechanisms, such as disorderly eating or substance
abuse, which in reality only make things worse, and in extreme cases
may even be lethal.
To ensure peace of mind and
safety of their children during adolescence, parents need to take early
preemptive action. Helping children build self-confidence and instill a sense
of self-worth from a young age is fundamental for helping them fight their
insecurities later in life. Still, teenage years are full of uncertainty and
teens’ self-confidence can
be easily swayed, so even most confident teens need parental reassurance from
time to time. To help teenagers improve their self-esteem during adolescence,
and also strengthen and maintain a positive relationship, parents should take advantage of
the following few pieces of advice:
1. Eliminate negativity from words and thoughts. Start
with positive self-talk.
It is very easy to get frustrated with people who don’t cooperate and lose your
cool with them; easy but unproductive. To understand and support a struggling
child, you need to help them open up to you about things that burden them. If
you criticize your children for every petty detail, they will not share their
concerns with you for the fear of being judged and censured. In order to
sustain a positive dynamic between you two, you must maintain a positive outlook at all times, even
when your child is not around.
2. Foster open communication. If something is
troubling your child, you should
be the first person they would
come to ask for help. You need to let your teenagers know that they can tell you anything,
that you will
listen and won’t judge, that you will try to understand the problem from their point of view, and
that you will offer
constructive feedback, reassurance, and advice instead of condescending “What
kind of a problem is that?” “It’s your own fault!” or, “I told you so.”
3. Identify the triggers. What causes your
child’s anxiety, aggression, or reticence? Where do their fears come from? What
makes you react one way or another in a course of a discussion or an argument
with your teenager? Knowing their—and your—triggers is a powerful weapon for
facilitating a conversation with your teen as well as removing them from the
“danger zones,” thus reducing their stress levels.
4. Ensure structure wherever possible. Structure
gives teens that extra layer of comfort and support and instills a greater
sense of stability in them. When going through an emotional turmoil, teens
get easily overwhelmed by the simplest inconveniences or unforeseen
circumstances. Structure brings certainty, it gives them something to rely on and count on when everything else seems to be in chaos.
5. Help the teens work on their goals and
strategies to achieve them. To fight uncertainty, you need to rely on your
goals and progress benchmarks. Uncertainty can make you feel helpless and stuck in one
place—often a bad one—in life. A sense of achievement is indispensable for
building self-confidence in teens. Setting realistic goals, breaking those into
smaller sub-goals, and measuring related progress can make a difference in your child’s attitude and
outlook on the world.
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